Im a freak, dont go near me.

I feel so alone. So left out. So vulnerable without anyone behind my back. I dont know, i have friends. In fact theyre awesome. Some of them not quite. Family? Yea i hv a big family. I have 2 sisters that i love and adore, 2 awesome brothers that never complain whenever i ask them to go watch movies with me. Not to mention, cool parents that have been raising me since the day i was born :)

But still, its normal for a teenage girl like me to feel so alone and left out. Beofre i get to my story, let me tell u about my friends. I have tons of girlfriends and countable (sikit) guyfriends. Why? Because i feel that me and the girls can get so close without us feeling the awkward-ness *but sometimes yea awkward. But with guy friends? Nope, i didnt share my problems with them, not personal stuff, not usual stuff. Maybe its because of i have been to girls school since i was in standard 1 and that makes me feel so close to the females more than to the males. But please dont get me wrong, i have good self-controlled and im totally aware of the female-to-female relationship and pray that i will not be drawn to that kind of situation.

Sometimes i feel like some of my girlfriends got the wrong assumption of me being close to them. I dont know if that is just my 'hunch' or whatever. And i will always try my best to watch my words when i spoke to them, or the way i approach them. But sometimes i feel like im always the youngest out of all my girlfriends because well i was born on the 28 december. So i guess i look up to most of them for they are the elders and that i see them as sisters to me.

Its up to you to ponder and think of anything you want about me but as long as im being myself, theres nothing that i have to worry about. My friends see me as a friendly outgoing person but they dont really know that im actually vulnerable and alone on the inside.